My Lovely Is Over The Ocean

       Surpassing Time and Place

I present this short-writing for those WHO ARE STRUGGLING AGAINST ALL OBSTACLES to struggle in their relationship, especially the long-distance one.
I'm telling you, even Waze reaches the tiniest road ever.

Long Distance Relationships

Hello guys, happy weekend, isn't it?

I just finished my mid-test week and it felt so good like gasoline odor.

Kay, for our next discussion, we might be interested to talk about Long Distance Relationship. it's about a relationship between you and your couple in different cities, islands, even continents.
I've got a hunch on a fine dinner: "Kevin, just think about how great love's artwork, it unites the farthest couple, and even the most contrast one.

Well, to be honest, I'm quite a dunce to practice a long-distance relationship. I even never had one (well, close-distance made a worthy opponent enough)

Saw my bestfriends, one or two, dealing with his/her couple everyday by gadgets, typing "ILY" like thousand times, computers with Skype will do it, tweeting "I love you even more each day" to prove that you're good at LDR, etc.

Friends, is a long-distance relationship really worth it?

does a long-distance relationship suitable for your language of love?

does a long-distance relationship -kindly- welcome any challengers to bother your relationship?

let's imagine for a while if we are the one who working on one LDR with questions:

1. is it really that fun to be that free? befriend anybody without your couple jealousy before they know it?
2. is it really that strict to know people? even though your couple is far away, you know it's your maturity who decide your social activities.

this two first question is about dealing with another people. you don't see your couple directly everyday. at least you did it on Skype or else, you hardly reach that point where only direct meeting will do it.

"I'm okay with Skype, I'm okay with texting only. better than nothing. He/She's busy there. We're working this out slow and steady."

is it true?

1. when my couple meet me and stay for awhile, do we have to meet everyday? spent our limited time together all day all long?
2. when my couple home and say how he/she missed me so damn much, do we have to limit our meeting -say- to keep ourselves calm, to control our emotion, and to wisely be responsible for our each family, peeps, and others?

this two second question is about you and your couple. you don't get married yet, you don't live in a world filled just the two of you. I might say, you have responsible for your family, best friends, old friends, who might be craving for your come.

"well, We hardly had enough time together. We are trying to charge our relationship before he/she goes again. is it just my ego? is it just our ego?"

 you said that?

guys, let's spill that thought about this 'connection' :

    X: " Well, I've been in a LDR for 4 years, it was challenging but fun. The distance uniquely make our bond stronger. Many come and leave, try to substitute my couple, but thanks to Him and our commitment, we win."

ring a bell? try another one.

    Y: " For me, LDR is like forcing your full-stomach to eat more, homey. It's about forcing, can't get more and can't get enough. Those you won't get by LDR. Those made you failed. Does LDR has a good chance? The percentage relies on your each commitment."

These two different thought come with a similarity, which is 'commitment'.

Do you really understand the true meaning of a commitment?
Do the divorced celebrities couple fail the art of commitment?

Once, I had a warm conversation with my lecturer. It was a noon and private one. Our varied topics ended in love phenomenon(always, the most interesting) My lecturer firmly stated, there can't be any divorced.

I asked, "Sir, what if a couple really couldn't 'ring' their 'wedding bell' and it's better for them to have it their each way back(divorced)?"

My lecturer insisted, 'divorced' option hindered.

I asked the same question, the same point with different words, and my lecturer kept saying, "they shall not divorced."

desperately, my curiosity answered. My lecturer continued, "well, it's because they've take their commitment. they should fix the relationship."

he then, remarked the important value of commitment, the fixed price of a commitment. "If you take a commitment, that is all you have to give: your perseverance."

I just realized how expensive a commitment is.

I -too- placing 'promise' and 'commitment' on one line. You may break your promise, you may say sorry, you may try again with better spirit, and goes on.

but a commitment -in fact- is more than that.

My senior in church, have been in a relationship for 5 years. They had through a lot, and things just went crazier. They broke up, they reconciled, again and again, while they're fixing the problem.

"Why don't you just go and find a better one (at least, to cover the situation) ?"

My senior answered, "Because we took commitment already. We just can't go and find another one. " this is not about buying shoes or clothes. This is about your life-partner.

as a conclusion, commitment in a relationship leaves no space for another player in your rel.ship.

if you take commitment, it means, with your perseverance, you'll love this person as much as long as they are.

you are not replacing the person, you are not -too- changing the person, but you are -both- accommodating and moving forward together.

at least for me, after I mastered the value of commitment, I was relieved to know the secret of eternal relationship.

but the next part, does it really help me in my relationship?

while you know you can't work it out by your side only, you(both) have to know the true meaning of commitment. that he/she is the only one you have to fight for.

the table from mandecoder at the top of this writing might be some kind of mood-booster, especially for you, the LDR actor.
but, even if it expresses the fact of LDR is 'safer' than NDR, are you joining them? is your relationship validating that graphs?

to the point, let us discuss some important point that -we pray- could help out this emergency situation, between you and your couple:

1. dealing with "I miss you" : what will you do to help it out? keep in touch? I mean, keep in contact? (no offense, LOL) rather than focusing on the yearning, focus on how both of you could stay 'healthy'.

from several friends I have met, I found out that limitation of interaction might help out.
too much of good things will kill you, the same goes -I think- with relationship.
what rules force you to keep in contact every day?
it's not about rules, it's not even about what mainstreamed couples do too, it's about what you both think should be done. just take some lovely time to discuss this with your spouse.

2. dealing with your daily activities and friends : one important note, you have to deal with LDR in a LDR way, and deal with NDR with NDR way. saying too much "I love you" -as we all experienced- making it uncool. next, let's imagine your boyfriend/girlfriend is top-model type, who has loyal fans and 'snipers' who are ready to take him/her away while you're not aware or in a problem.

nah, this is one extreme problem: the third people.
put your hands up to third people, who come by while we're having trouble and be the messiah for our boyfriend/girlfriend, and do the killing-blow for the sake of our spouse. to all of you, may you be dumped.

but then again, I asked myself, is it really the third-man's fault? 
what if my spouse was like, warm-welcoming him/her?
what if he/she found a better person in them? and if it's MY mistake not to teach my couple the true meaning of love, relationship, and commitment? 
is it my mistake not to tell my couple, we ain't lookin' for the best, but we're tryin' to give the best to each of us?
why there are so many questions in this article?

I think it won't be a problem so far my couple doesn't respond the third-people so 'welcoming'. We shouldn't be skeptical while our couple behaving so kind to others, but we should have known the kindly kind of being welcome and the kindly kind of being natural. you know, "SOS"

about your activities: there are several times when you found out you've been too busy, and so your couple did. you both thought you didn't need to keep in contact for awhile. Well, you should. in boredom, in happy time, keep in touch with your couple. it's like keeping your six-pack visible. you like it or not, to keep your body looks good, do the sit-up, every day, routine.

we've stressed out and we think it's better to have some kind of time-out? three months or around will do it.

it's good to have your own private time: to think over, to have a devotion, to evaluate how good you've done. and it's important to find out what makes you 'bored'. many people -just in my last post- maintain their love very well for years. why can't you? they have found out the key to love indefinitely.

thoughts such as "I think you're not with the right guy" ; "I think we should end this slowly" will come and overrun your whole day. simple, do the activities you loved as usual, play the routine, let the time recover both of you, and -I'm pretty sure- there will come one day where you'll find your way back into love.

3. dealing with God: it should be said at the very end for it is the most important thing. the point is: why don't we seek for God -always- if what we did is His part of work?

this relationship thingy, is too -for me- a God's part of work.
growing to marriage step, I think we should maintain our relationship well.
it's not about changing just before you marry someone. it's about preparing as much as you could before getting married.

"But seek ( aim at and strive after) first of all His kingdom and His righteousness ( His way of doing and being right), and then all these things taken together will be given you besides." - Matthew 6:33

in Bahasa Indonesia

"Tetapi carilah dahulu Kerajaan Allah dan kebenarannya, maka semuanya itu akan ditambahkan kepadamu." - Matius 6:33

many put this verse in their memory for good, but do we really do it?
do we prior our God before any solution needed?

if we want to make Him happy -at least through our relationship and which will make our couple happy though- we do it His way.

it's not we can't have as much fun as before, it's about becoming mature and realizing what we really need, what the important key to strive against the obstacles.

I ain't teaching anything, it's about sharing. you and I both know all the thing that I wrote in this writing. I want you to remember, your struggle before you had the relationship. All your hope, all your sweat and money, all your gasoline and friends you left (okay, I'm kidding)

they are all in our mind, but to recover it every time we have problem at ease, is not very piece of cake.
let God steer, as I mentioned at the last post. for He knows the best for you and your couple.
it's not about two, it's about one, remember?

so friends, let's do this!
thanks to my friend Daniel for the request.
good luck, and to all of you, stick close to God. He loves you and me, really much.

good night.

thank you for reading.
why remain steady if spreading a blessing is as easy as clicking?
God Bless Us
Love :)

" It is just me if my relationship doesn't work. I can't blame my couple. Not for the wisdom sake. I can't blame anyone. I shouldn't blame anyone. I'm learning though. Thank Lord. "


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