I and My Friend's Bad Habit

It's Always Me, Isn't It?

I present this writing for those who befriended some people who just to comfort with their bad habit. I'm telling you IT'S ALL ABOUT US WHO DECIDE THINGS.

Morning guys.

Before I start writing, I'm begging you(yes, you. my article's reader. you think it's not you? yes, it's you. even if you don't know me and I don't know you, it's you) for a help, a prayer actually. I need your prayer for my brother. He is dying to go to college. My parents and I are really worried about his next phase of real-world.

You know, some 'life-test' would be easier if it is you who deal with it, not your family, not your lover.

I prayed to God -hopefully- so my bro could give the best since he is a lazy entity like me. He's interested in Animation, but still... He's struggling about his drawing skill. Seeing his tenacity -only- is something. I just love him I got mad every time he's so 'deaf' to my father, mother, or even my advice.

I only need, well, about 3 second or less.. "Lord, please bless Kevin's bro about his college problem. Amen"

it's not about length, it's about will. thank you guys. I owe you.

back to the topic.

I was kind of startled while I'm not writing about love (don't mind). It's like trying to eat Portobello Mushroom Burger without black pepper. something's missing. but this is an interesting yet important thing as well.
It's about ourselves, it's about how we deal with others.
we have enough problems about ourselves, our spouse, and this one is about friends.

so, my friend told me his friend, his bothering friend who had a serious 'social disease'. I don't know the words, but I'm pretty sure you all have a friend who's like
"he/she has a bad habit, we are disturbed by it, but he/she doesn't even realize it and keep doing it."
my friend is trying really hard to fight his ego, to not to be emotionally aroused.

while we know that we're going the wrong way, sometimes we just can't turn back that second.

I am -too- the Michael Shannon in every movie, the madman who starting to get angry even by an unpleasant joke (his characterization is good anyway!)

My friends -at last- told me about how vulnerable my self-control in high school.
I knew it, but I didn't realize it.

even until today, my best friend keep telling me to control my emotion. She really know how things get ruined easily by my Hulk-side.

once, my senior(he's 30-40 y.o. and single) in church shared a story about his disturbing colleague.

"When he knew I drive every time I go to work, he's slowly starting to force me to pick him up and drive him home. I don't know how to tell him. I am his driver. It's not I don't want to be a good guy, but it's just beyond my limit to do something like that for a long-time."

Then, he asked me "How to tell him? I once tried to discuss this, but he seemed not pleased. He said I'm stingy."

I can't answer such difficult question. I didn't focused on that colleague.
I started with "Why don't you take it as a service for Him?" I came up with "time will answer" mind.
He then had a self-debate, left me confused by his problem as well.

I questioned myself since that night, "Is it really his colleague fault?"

I believe that smiling to stranger is too, a service. I believe that happiness is born within sharing.

I believe the more you share to the less you know, the more you will get, more than sharing to the more you know (I kinda excited with this quote)

but, what if my limit of sharing is not good enough? how I overcome something that beyond my limit?

here's some spirit snack:

"17 This I say, therefore, and testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of[d] the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind, 18 having their understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God, because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart; 19 who, being past feeling, have given themselves over to lewdness, to work all uncleanness with greediness.
20 But you have not so learned Christ, 21 if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: 22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness."25 Therefore, putting away lying, Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,”[e] for we are members of one another. 26 “Be angry, and do not sin”:[f] do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

- Ephesians 4:17-32 NKJV Bible

in Bahasa Indonesia:

17 Sebab itu kukatakan dan kutegaskan ini kepadamu di dalam Tuhan: Jangan hidup lagi sama seperti orang-orang yang tidak mengenal Allah dengan pikirannya yang sia-sia
18  dan pengertiannya yang gelap, jauh dari hidup persekutuan dengan Allah, karena kebodohan yang ada di dalam mereka dan karena kedegilan hati mereka.
19  Perasaan mereka telah tumpul, sehingga mereka menyerahkan diri kepada hawa nafsu dan mengerjakan dengan serakah segala macam kecemaran.
20  Tetapi kamu bukan demikian. Kamu telah belajar mengenal Kristus.
21  Karena kamu telah mendengar tentang Dia dan menerima pengajaran di dalam Dia menurut kebenaran yang nyata dalam Yesus,
22  yaitu bahwa kamu, berhubung dengan kehidupan kamu yang dahulu, harus menanggalkan manusia lama, yang menemui kebinasaannya oleh nafsunya yang menyesatkan,
23  supaya kamu dibaharui di dalam roh dan pikiranmu,
24  dan mengenakan manusia baru, yang telah diciptakan menurut kehendak Allah di dalam kebenaran dan kekudusan yang sesungguhnya.
25  Karena itu buanglah dusta dan berkatalah benar seorang kepada yang lain, karena kita adalah sesama anggota.
26  Apabila kamu menjadi marah, janganlah kamu berbuat dosa: janganlah matahari terbenam, sebelum padam amarahmu
27  dan janganlah beri kesempatan kepada Iblis.
28  Orang yang mencuri, janganlah ia mencuri lagi, tetapi baiklah ia bekerja keras dan melakukan pekerjaan yang baik dengan tangannya sendiri, supaya ia dapat membagikan sesuatu kepada orang yang berkekurangan.
29  Janganlah ada perkataan kotor keluar dari mulutmu, tetapi pakailah perkataan yang baik untuk membangun, di mana perlu, supaya mereka yang mendengarnya, beroleh kasih karunia.
30  Dan janganlah kamu mendukakan Roh Kudus Allah, yang telah memeteraikan kamu menjelang hari penyelamatan.
31  Segala kepahitan, kegeraman, kemarahan, pertikaian dan fitnah hendaklah dibuang dari antara kamu, demikian pula segala kejahatan.
32  Tetapi hendaklah kamu ramah seorang terhadap yang lain, penuh kasih mesra dan saling mengampuni, sebagaimana Allah di dalam Kristus telah mengampuni kamu.

- Efesus 4:17-32 Alkitab Terjemahan Baru


I have bold some important verses which answered not the question of my senior, but answer what we should do and think.

it's simple. we just can't operate like an old car if we are a new one. we are learned about Christ! (v. 20)

we are reminded that we can't live the way 'the people' do. 'The People' are as described in the verses.

what about verses 25-31 (read again)?
well, you know? Every day I wake up, I run the whole day, and in my each meeting with others, it's always be my concern to not letting my mind, words, and body do it the wrong way.
I'm just like "if you love your God, then show it. not to the one who loved you, not to the one who kind to you. but to all."

it's now become my habit, that I make myself uncomfortable with myself everytime I do it wrong. e.g.

Yesterday, I met one of my co-servants in an event. I was the PIC and he takes the control in some part of it. He hardly attend the weekly meeting and I found out he relaxed in a weird way. I just got mad -in my mind- and trying to express it as smooth as possible to him.

Yes, I did. I gave that cold answer by alluding him with such short sentence. I left him unspoken. And in any second, some unpleasant feeling filled my mind: "Danggg, what you just did is not cool!!" I had my repentance for hours that day, I was trying to put myself together, had a cooler conversation with him, and it brought no good.

That night, I met him at a snack spot. He said "Hi" to me kindly and I felt that "this is my payback time!"
I grew a calming atmosphere, chilling in a friendly chat, and it sure made my night far better.

You see, this trick works on me. We all know about being the new us. We did the verses 25-32 said, and boom! The world is a better place. All we have to do is starting to put that verses in our mindset.

"I maybe slight-tongued to speak such rude words, from now on: I think state such words bring shame on me." that hard principle will do fine as long as you applied it.

Can we do it slow? Well, I can't. By keeping myself uncomfortable, I'm trained to be aware of any attack. I may failed 6 of 7 temptations not to be angry. But at least, I knew I did it wrong, and I knew I could do better. I should.
I'm just trying to reduce other's arousal by me.

That's the way to do it! Now, I think we should read again -for the third time- the verses. But now, let us notice the thin-text verses as well.

let me repeat the point: rather than debating how to change that bothering person, why don't we start from ourselves? I didn't say 'why don't we just change', but 'why don't we start'.

Let us first put our faith that change to universe starting within us. That's fact, that's true. You see how a little boy in "Pay It Forward" change the whole world law about take and give? Instead of giving and taking from the same person, we add another player in every turn. That's where the movement begin to spread.

"Well I don't think I should prior the change in myself."
Let's start with your mindset then. Crazy people don't recognize their mad state. Sometimes, we think we don't need doctor.

I think this is -too- happening to my lil bro. Actually, it's not him who has been tested. It's me! It's not him who need any help with his drawing skill, but it's me who need a very urgent medication for my emotional aspect.

this 'positive' way of thinking will lead us to "Okay, at least, it is me who done it wrong. Logically, I'm the one who can fix it."

True story bro and sis.
That time when I was dying about my father's disease.  I did it wrong by the time I cared for him too much like a housewife. I found out I couldn't use that way to approach.
Then I started to change my way. I got mad at him, I sharpen my words, my emotion to scold him.

Am I comfortable with that? Of course not! Why do I want to yell at my father???
Am I happy with that? Of course not! But I'm proud because I bravely did the right way to do it.

You see, changes are good. Change is really good, especially when it takes you out from your comfort zone.
If you're still sitting in your comfort zone while saying "I'm changing!", welcome to "ILY 4eva":lies.

number two.

have another spirit snack:

Love Your Enemies

27 “But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you. 29 To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back. 31 And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.
32 “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 And if you lendto those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. 35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. 36 Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

Do Not Judge

37 Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. 38 Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”
39 And He spoke a parable to them: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into the ditch? 40 A disciple is not above his teacher, but everyone who is perfectly trained will be like his teacher. 41 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? 42 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye.

- Luke 6:27-42 NKJV

in Bahasa Indonesia:

27  "Tetapi kepada kamu, yang mendengarkan Aku, Aku berkata: Kasihilah musuhmu, berbuatlah baik kepada orang yang membenci kamu;
28  mintalah berkat bagi orang yang mengutuk kamu; berdoalah bagi orang yang mencaci kamu.
29  Barangsiapa menampar pipimu yang satu, berikanlah juga kepadanya pipimu yang lain, dan barangsiapa yang mengambil jubahmu, biarkan juga ia mengambil bajumu.
30  Berilah kepada setiap orang yang meminta kepadamu; dan janganlah meminta kembali kepada orang yang mengambil kepunyaanmu.
31  Dan sebagaimana kamu kehendaki supaya orang perbuat kepadamu, perbuatlah juga demikian kepada mereka.
32  Dan jikalau kamu mengasihi orang yang mengasihi kamu, apakah jasamu? Karena orang-orang berdosapun mengasihi juga orang-orang yang mengasihi mereka.
33  Sebab jikalau kamu berbuat baik kepada orang yang berbuat baik kepada kamu, apakah jasamu? Orang-orang berdosapun berbuat demikian.
34  Dan jikalau kamu meminjamkan sesuatu kepada orang, karena kamu berharap akan menerima sesuatu dari padanya, apakah jasamu? Orang-orang berdosapun meminjamkan kepada orang-orang berdosa, supaya mereka menerima kembali sama banyak.
35  Tetapi kamu, kasihilah musuhmu dan berbuatlah baik kepada mereka dan pinjamkan dengan tidak mengharapkan balasan, maka upahmu akan besar dan kamu akan menjadi anak-anak Allah Yang Mahatinggi, sebab Ia baik terhadap orang-orang yang tidak tahu berterima kasih dan terhadap orang-orang jahat.
36  Hendaklah kamu murah hati, sama seperti Bapamu adalah murah hati."
37  "Janganlah kamu menghakimi, maka kamupun tidak akan dihakimi. Dan janganlah kamu menghukum, maka kamupun tidak akan dihukum; ampunilah dan kamu akan diampuni.
38  Berilah dan kamu akan diberi: suatu takaran yang baik, yang dipadatkan, yang digoncang dan yang tumpah ke luar akan dicurahkan ke dalam ribaanmu. Sebab ukuran yang kamu pakai untuk mengukur, akan diukurkan kepadamu."
39  Yesus mengatakan pula suatu perumpamaan kepada mereka: "Dapatkah orang buta menuntun orang buta? Bukankah keduanya akan jatuh ke dalam lobang?
40  Seorang murid tidak lebih dari pada gurunya, tetapi barangsiapa yang telah tamat pelajarannya akan sama dengan gurunya.
41  Mengapakah engkau melihat selumbar di dalam mata saudaramu, sedangkan balok di dalam matamu sendiri tidak engkau ketahui?
42  Bagaimanakah engkau dapat berkata kepada saudaramu: Saudara, biarlah aku mengeluarkan selumbar yang ada di dalam matamu, padahal balok yang di dalam matamu tidak engkau lihat? Hai orang munafik, keluarkanlah dahulu balok dari matamu, maka engkau akan melihat dengan jelas untuk mengeluarkan selumbar itu dari mata saudaramu."

- Lukas 6:27-42 Alkitab Terjemahan Baru

I know maybe it's 'tiring' to read all the verses I noted. But let us observe not verse by verse. We just can't drive safely by having the tires, engine, and steer only. it's important to understand a Bible by passage, not verse only(Although a verse may represent the whole passage, but still..)

Luke 6:27-42 one of Love's Law branch is a really heart-calming passage.

"Hmmph.. reading this two passages, am I really that broken? Is my fault really extreme that I can't see the world the way I should?"

no, no, no. It's just the next step into our self-realization. That we need God, we need a guidance to do it the right way. We don't tell people "you're wrong" or what. We tell people what God wanted from us by showing it.

I believe in God through Catholic faith. My former Christian Studies teacher and my preceptor agreed that if there's one word to describe the Holy Bible and our faith, it's love.

I fought with my dad one day before his birthday, it's really awful, terrible, give me a lot of mind fatigue.
I had no idea that I had to explain to my father about my bro's college fee. I didn't really sure where the mistake was(it doesn't matter for fact) but I yelled at him in a rude way and my father exploded like hell to me. He said I'm a very bad son ( I don't want to explain and state what words he used, it's not rude, but sharp) in his way and I responded him with a rude silence.

I mean, it's his birthday tomorrow!!! he trust in me!!! and I'm such a fool!!!!

oh yess.. I went to ATM for awhile, and I just can't name what to do.
On my way home, the Holy Spirit (I believe) suggested to apologize.
I just had that light bulb even it's a little extreme opt for me. it's too fast, isn't it?
I had a service for the night, and I just can't serve peacefully with any unfinished sin and fault attached.

it took some real balls to say sorry, you know.
what do you think, friend? Is it easier to forgive or to apologize?

I figured way to apologize, just before I went to church. my father act a little bit unusual that evening.
He went to his room and slept. I could see in his eyes, there's repentance for his words. but I couldn't 'demand' for it. I couldn't helped to wait. I entered his room and said "I'm sorry. I used rude tones. I'm really sorry." I touched his hand, his rough hand.
He didn't see me at all, but he nodded spontaneously when I said my first sorry word.
I knew it, my father still the best father I had.
Then, he didn't answer me for seconds. He then asked me to leave him.

I knew he needed time to at least, accept my apologize.

since that, I learned one or two things to do to beat this situation:

1. praying and fasting.
Mark 9:29 says "And He replied to them, This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting."
just when the disciples want to get rid some demon, only Jesus in the end who can drove the demon out.
I then realized, even some of bad habits -which belongs to us- too, cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting.
My father in Borneo once shared to me, turn fasting into your habit.
if we're talking about fasting, it's not entirely about not putting any meal into your digestive system, but not putting any arousal into your emotional system too. my preceptor said, you're even enabled to have only arousal-fasting. you may eat normally, but you have to control your emotion, your words, your self carefully.

it's even harder than physical-fasting, knowing in Jakarta, Indonesia, we have mind-blowing drivers.
but then, that demon who happily teased us when somebody's annoying approached us.. can be knocked out by fasting, I believe.

2. mastered that two passage of Bible.
there are so many achievement as a Christian in that two last passages. don't lie, what's the point if you're kind to kind people, and so on. I couldn't just conclude those points. we have to reread those passages even everyday before we start our day.

3. pray for them.
how often do you remember the people you loved in your prayer? and how often do you remember those who annoyed you? Luke 6:28 says "pray for those who spitefully use you." we pray for them. even if we have no idea how and why. we're talking about what Jesus loved us to do. to make Him happy, make sure we're starting to do the way He does.

I'm not the best in this thing.
I too have those person who bother my pieces of day and ruined it.
but, those people covered up by His kindness towards me. I'm grateful it's bigger and better among those bad things.

thanks P who trusted me about your sharing, we loved you, good luck with your pal, we pray for you to deal with him/her.

thank you for reading.
why remain steady if spreading a blessing is as easy as clicking?
God Bless Us
Love :)
"It's not love has to be that ideal.. but love is that strict, for love is not a toy. Love is life."

pictures taken from:


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